im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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