Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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