The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
And then he peed in my hair
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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