He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
