my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
