I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
