According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
