I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
