sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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