She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize