I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize