You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Randomize
