if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
