Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
