he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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