I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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