I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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