At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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