JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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