Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize