I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
