after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
