It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
