I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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