we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
