She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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