her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
