Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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