It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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