My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
did i just pee glitter
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
