I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
