I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
