Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
