is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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