What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
