you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
