As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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