I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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