the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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