So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
