don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
