There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
