I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
