Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
