If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ugly people sure do ruin things
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
