ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
