p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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