Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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