batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
