My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
