Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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