Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I touched a dick in church today
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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