Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it's like iHOP with fire
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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