i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Shame - the story of my life.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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