I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Drunk is not a location!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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