You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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