yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
