You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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