im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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