I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
