My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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