I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
