I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
