If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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