I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
