quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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