Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Randomize
