My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
